Fifty Shades of Blah

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Since I enjoy being the most contrary person on Earth, just because everyone else said this book was bad I just had to read it. Why? So I could go "it wasn't that bad."

Mission....................................Failed.

It was that bad. It was worse than that bad. The use of the word "flushed" every paragraph. The several chapters of emails. The fact it's a romance and I can't see why anyone would want to be with either of those characters EVER.

And the plot? In most romances, you have a turning point where the characters develop feelings for each other, you can hear the Beauty and the Beast song, "There's something there that wasn't there before" playing in the background. But in 50 Shades Christian and Ana instantly wanted each other. And as a reader, you have no clue why...he's rich, attractive and has mysterious gray eyes. So what? That's not worth a beating a day. He better have the charm of Casanova and save me and a dozen orphans from falling over a cliff before I even start to consider giving up clothing and spending my weekends in a torture chamber.

That's the main problem. He didn't earn it. While there is conflict in the book, there is no conflict for the reader because instead of reading like ~true love~ it reads like that creepy guy you dated off the internet. I spent most the book screaming Run Ana Run! But that's not entirely James's fault. She's mimicking Meyers, and Edward didn't have to earn it either. The only difference is Bella is a teen and falling madly in love without rhyme or reason is acceptable for teens, plus loving Edward meant Bella would eventually become an ethereal immortal. Falling in love with Christan meant Ana got to be a slave. It's funny when you copy someone else's pattern then make one little tweak, that one change can be the difference between, "no harm there" and "this woman needs therapy, not a man".

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