He said it was an act. That I make so much noise in hopes that people think that's all there is, and that they don't dig deeper. Amusingly enough, he was right. But I never really thought about the way I act as being different than the way I am.
The loud, crazy, funny, entertaining me is what I call "being on" and it can be exhausting. There are a handful of people that I've met in my life where being around them didn't require me to be "on". But most of the time being social is hard work.
If I were a Sim, my social bar would decrease very slowly. I enjoy spending time with myself. Sometimes this causes me to neglect my friendships, I get so lost in this hobby or that, and I forget to keep in contact with people.
I think about this now because one of my hobbies has put me in a situation where I have to talk to a room full of people, and deep down, I don't wanna, but at the same time I think I'll do a good job of it. It amused me that on some level I dread something I'm pretty sure I'll be good at.